As a single butch, I would be remiss if I didn’t verbalize what I have come to realize after being in the dating game for the past 3 years, especially because from the look of it all, I still have a lot more single years ahead of me.  Through my experiences, dating, the past couple of years, this butch tells why baby fathers don’t act right in Philadelphia and it isn’t exclusive to baby fathers, but I know every girl I have dated has had one and never had anything good to say about him.

As soon as I got to Philadelphia, I realized this city wasn’t short on stories about getting cheated on, stories about men who don’t work, nor was it short on stories about the lack of respect.  For a single butch like me, knowing most of the women in the city hadn’t been treated with respect and dignity was a bit alarming, because I am tired of dealing with damaged women and the elementary relationship that comes along with them, but once I started getting to know the people of the city, I thought there was no way around them.  The people in this city were so angry, I assumed it was because the city was poorly managed, but then I noticed that the women in the city were far angrier than the men.  In fact, they were dog mad.  Me being a single butch, I had to get to the bottom of it.

What single butch wants a piece of that?

The women in Philadelphia wear chips on their shoulders like glorious purple robes imported from the Far East and screwed up frowns like diamond studded tiaras.  Just because I am a solo stud doesn’t mean I have to settle for that.  What single butch wants a piece of that?  After careful analysis of the whole situation, I came to realize that anyone in Philadelphia who thinks this is a city of no good men – whether it is or it isn’t, I blame the women.  Honestly, women make men, it isn’t the other way around.  We can say so figuratively or we can say so scientifically, but if you have a city of women who are absolutely no good, then you will have a city of men who have no idea how to deal with a good woman, they don’t know how to live up to the expectations a good woman has, and their perception of women is skewed and that can easily be interpreted as a no good dude, when in fact he doesn’t even know he never had a chance to be what is considered a good man.

This post is pretty long.  I suggest you bookmark it and read it in parts.

Philadelphia From A New York City Perspective

Can I just say that people in Philadelphia are getting cheated.  I mean, I am part of it too … I have been in this city for close to 10 years.  I’ve built a life here.  However, I will never forget learning about public assistance in Philadelphia.  An able-bodied person cannot get cash benefits from public assistance unless they are a woman with child, a felon, or a drug addict.  With the exception of the woman with child, the felon and the drug addict are going to cost tax payers a lot of money through their re-entry to society.  Not giving an able-bodied person assistance because they never committed a felony or suffered from addiction is ass backwards, especially when (if assistance was available) they could get a job and pay taxes at no extra cost to tax payers.

For some demographics, this is a horrible set up.  If someone does not have money to travel to where the jobs are or where the interview is then what are they really supposed to do?  Everything left, that makes sense, is illegal.  For that reason, private jail is big business in Philadelphia.  This is a dangerous city and most men have gone to jail on a felony.  Which is perfect because now the city will step in and help them, but the felony follows you for pretty much the rest of your life.  It almost looks like these conditions were set up purposely in order to keep Black Love and Black Family from being as powerful as it is – a continued desire of the powers that have been.

How Did Women Become So Mad

Gosh, I never been in a city of hateful women.  Even though I could argue that what they are suffering from is part of being black or that is is part of being black and being in a city that obviously puts us at a gross disadvantage, but then I start to wonder, don’t they want something better for their own self that they have to go after?

The short answer is simply “No.”  The longer answer requires study and for me to site some sources.  However, I will say that something psychological happens to a person when they realized they have been deprived of something beyond their control.  For example, being deprived of a quality of life because all of the systems are pitted against you will cause psychological trauma, and in Philly the deprivation flows so deep it has translated to a city of women who don’t want to take responsibility for anything.  With that said, it makes sense, that there can be no happiness ever if nothing is ever your fault.

Men Throughout History

I tell all my straight friends the same thing when they are asking me for dating advice – “When you are dating guys or a man, every day is training day.”  The best man is still a man in the same way that the best woman is still a woman.  Both sexes are prone to traits that come along with just being that sex.  Women are known for being insecure.  Even the most confident women have their day.  Men are known for having a one track mind.  A lot of men have learned that if they don’t pay attention to social cues, their one track mind could be a huge turn off and get them absolutely nothing.  Part of being a man is how they think and if you don’t manipulate it, then you risk him making up his own mind in a department where men aren’t experts.

When I say manipulate his mind, I do not mean play with him, just understand you have to be careful about what you show him.  If every time he calls you and you are bored and sitting in your house, why would he offer to take you out if he doesn’t see you trying to at least make it out on your own?  If you wear costume jewelry every time he sees you and you always buy costume jewelry and never mention the fact you prefer wearing diamonds or you have diamonds tucked away in a safe, then why would he buy you diamonds?  There is nothing wrong with having sex on the first day, but just know whatever expectation you set is what he is going to live up to.  If y’all had sex after the first movie date, he will always expect sex after a movie date.  If y’all first date was at his house and y’all had sex, he is always going to invite you to his house, you will have to fight to go out.  If you always lend him money, he will always fall back on you without any though.

If you want a man to take you out, be the woman that goes out.  If you want a man to wonder about you, then be unavailable sometimes so he can know your time is valuable.  If you want a man to buy you diamonds, then you need diamonds or  at the very least you need to carry yourself like a woman who be iced out on the regular.  If you want a man to take care of you then you have to show him that you take care of yourself.  Not that you can take care of yourself, but that you actually do it.  Now, he will have to top what you do for your own self.  If you want some more dating tips I have 7 good ones here.

 

Lack of Expectations

Seems like the women in this city do not have any expectations.  I do not know if that is a result of having low self esteem or if it is a result of thinking there isn’t anything better out there for them.  On what day was a woman raised to take care of a man?  What show did these women grow up watching that makes them think it is okay for a man to use their car because they don’t have one of their own and they use the car to visit their other girlfriends?  How does that guy even make it back in your bed?

I’m sorry, what role model did you have that allowed a man to get away with some of the stuff you have allowed men to get away with?  What makes you think you should work all of the time and your man can’t even contribute by cleaning the crib, he just sat on the game all day smoking loud that you paid for?  Why would you continue to buy him sneakers and hoodies even though you had to confront him about those provocative text messages in his phone?

If your reason for putting up with the stuff you have put up with is based on the fact that you don’t think you are worth more, you are really selling yourself short.  Forget about how ugly you think you are, you may very well be, but someone should have told you how valuable pussy is.  If you haven’t figured out that pussy is so valuable, you could look like a dog and still get treated with respect and dignity then you should pay attention.

Are You A Politician Or A Grown Lady Cause I Don’t Know

You know the part in the argument where you state your case and the person’s defense starts with, “But you …” or “But when you …”?  What I wouldn’t give to go back to 1999 where I could keep an argument like this going, but now, it is a deal breaker.  Not a definite deal breaker, but I say about 3 times that neither one of us is a politician and the 4th time I make a clean break.  I cannot deal with a woman who’s only defense for doing something or not doing something or feeling something or not feeling something is because of what I did or didn’t do or because of what I felt or didn’t feel.  That is not the industry relationships belong in.  If you want to be a politician and exercise that type of rhetoric, then start with a community board or city council.  Don’t bring that type of talk to me.  And it’s like if you don’t agree that you are politicking, then it’s elementary.  Either way, it is an unhealthy and inefficient way to argue.

Part of the reason it is unhealthy is because it shows that someone is dropping the bags of responsibility.  Also, it shows that someone isn’t being honest.  It is inefficient because if someone does something you do not like, you have to address it in a timely fashion.  Waiting until the other person expresses an issue and then you use that as a moment to express issues that could have already been cleared up is really young and unattractive.  Not that there aren’t times where a discussion such as this can take place effectively, but if it is a pattern or your go to defense and you are over 26 years old, it’s a disgusting and immature way to go about resolving conflict with your lover.

This type of argument is so damned common, I have been thinking about dating out of my race.  White women know how to argue.  They state a problem, they state what it looks like, and then they clearly say what they need in order for it to be fixed.  Then you respond to what they said and they listen intently.  If there is more that can be said, they will say it … but it looks to me like they are focused on getting to a real life and workable solution so they never have to revisit this problem again.  They have no problem dealing with problems, but I think their goal is always to have a solution in order to not have a repeat.  I can’t think of a show I’ve seen or an encounter I’ve had or heard about where a lover is being talked around in circles by a white woman who is saying the meanest, most disrespectful stuff they can think of out of the side of their neck all to not be the blame for something or all of that and there is or never was a solution.

Tit for Tat, Though

Right along with being a politician, comes the tit for tat.  For some reason, this needed to be stated separately because there is another phenomenon associated with Tit for Tats that blows my mind every single time.  Like a politician would, if you do this then they will do that or in order for them to do that you have to do this – that is the lens under which we are unpacking the Tit for Tat bs.  In relationships it is set up the same way, but I’m noticing it being used in more ways than one.

A woman will spend the day cleaning her crib.  She will cook for her child or children.  She will do laundry.  In my head, I always assume that she was doing those things before I entered her life.  It turns out that once we are dating, because she does all of these things, automatically, I have to do something too or else I will have to hear about these things that she did.

One day I was invited over for dinner.  When I got there, she said, “Can you go to the store?”  It was 10pm, I had worked a 12hr shift.  She had been off the entire day.  I said, “What?  Why wouldn’t you call me?  I just walked past the store.  I been at work for 12 hours and I just walked past a store to get here and now I have to go back after you’ve been off all day?”  She said, “I been cooking and cleaning all day.  I wanted to make sure you had a home cooked meal.”  I don’t buy it.

I remember explaining to her that if she does anything for me expecting something in return then she really didn’t do anything for me at all.  Just like my ex girlfriend – I had to explain to her that every time she did something for me, she was broke.  It would leave me to have to pay bills, take care of our habits, and daily expenditures.  I would have been better off if I had’ve did for myself what you think you did for me.  One time, about 10 years about 10 years ago, my stepbrother did my laundry and left my clothes unfolded and thrown on my bed.  My first question was why are my clothes out of my laundry bag like this and he responded that he had washed them, so I was happy.  Minutes later, he told me he wanted to go hang out and he knew my excuse was going to be that I didn’t have clean clothes.  We wound up having a huge argument because I had to explain to him that he should have folded my clothes.  If he was washing my clothes to stop me from having an excuse as to why I couldn’t hang out with him then he should have finished the entire job and even if he did finish the entire job, I still don’t appreciate it because it wasn’t for me.

In relationships, for the most part this is ridiculous behavior and doesn’t have to exist even when it is justifiable.  For example, are you feeling bitter because you always clean and the person doesn’t seem to appreciate it because they never pitch in and help?  When the resentment starts to build up and you feel like if you wash another dish, you are going to snap, pause and ask them to do the dishes and see what they say.  If they have an attitude then either resolve to always clean or stop feeding them, stop inviting them over, stop dealing with them.  Don’t resort to tit for tat or politics unless you are 25 and under.

What Now?

As for me, I am happy being single.  The last girl I dated kind of blew my mind out of the frame and honestly, I don’t have time.  Wait … I would date a white woman or another culture in a heartbeat, but for the black women in Philadelphia, I am sure I need more time to put myself where the good ones are.

My heart goes out to the men in this city because it’s almost like they don’t know what a good woman is.  They are under the impression that all women should buy them sneakers and let them not work and get away with cheating, that they don’t even meet women who don’t tolerate that type of behavior.  Or when they do, there is no need to even try because there are a hundred women desperately waiting for him to come live with them so they can buy him sneakers and share with him their child’s or children’s food.

The men in this city are backwards because they are actually looking for this set up and their boys egg them on.  There is no talk about how sad they are they didn’t have money to give their baby mom, the talk is about the $125 their baby mom’s “fronted” them for yet another trap or the New Balance 990s she got him.  It’s not their fault, is what I am saying.  The women in the city have conditioned the men to be like this.

Dating absolutely might as well be rocket science.  This is why I have some tips for you to follow, especially if you are over 30.  My only girlfriend is this website and all of the corny little methods that I use to make money.  I actually do not have time for dating because I am consumed with building a profitable network.  If you want, you can find out how I be getting gift cards.

I’d love to get some feedback on this post.  Please like this post and leave a comment telling me what you think or what has been your experience dating.  Be sure to share this post to see what your networks think.  Do you agree or disagree?

 

 

 

Single Butch Sheds Light On “No Good Men” in Philadelphia
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